Ready to Roll?

Joey Eyebank Ramone seems more likely to throw up than to roll up as he peruses this month's collection of sordid sounds...

Antony Costa- Do You Ever Think of Me?

This white suite wearing boy-band artist was in the pop group Blue and he has come back this year to haunt us with his cheesy, painfully painful melodies. This song consists of the usual boy band crap including the cheery chime bar twinkly start to the song, the girlie-voiced sad love story chorus and the Elton John power ballad piano, turning the song into a typical stupid boy band song. This must be aimed at 40 year old women * that like seeing fresh-faced boys singing pretty songs with no meaning at all. Next!

*probably undergoing a mid life crisis.

Natasha Thomas- Skin Deep.

Another trashy disco r'n'b number that sounds exactly like every other track that the commercial DJ's scratch out at discos. If you want proof that I'm right, and let's face it, some of you lot on the message board don't always accept my wit and wisdom, then look no further than the song that's played on the Lactose 'Touch of Pink' advert, as it is Natasha Thomas's song.

See! I am right, innit?!


Leon- Getting Into You

No this CD is not getting into me, apart from it may get me into trouble in a minute when I scream at the CD player when I should be doing my homework. The only way it could be described as growing on me is in the same way as a wart.

3 / 10

Patrolman Pete- Ready to Roll.

It's not a good song. In fact its rather bad. It's a song to accompany the children's book series, so my opinion doesn't mean children can't like it. My little sister might. But I don't.

Pistols at Dawn- The Reaper

Looking at the front cover you'd expect a depressed bunch of Gothic grease balls screaming and smashing things about.
Well, you'll be at least partly disappointed; for a while Pistols at Dawn do seem to be a bunch of depressed greasy Goths, but sadly they aren't screaming and smashing things about. Instead they are playing tuneless crap that bores the life out of me. The lyrics are meaningless Goth poetry that doesn't fit with the music at all. For fans of REM and Gothic style over substance.


This band isn't brilliant, but then again they're not bad. And that's a blessing amongst this month's shower! They're one of those annoyingly nearly good bands, and will probably do well because they have a familiar flavour of the month NME type sound. This, in my opinion, makes it too familiar and uninspiring to make it truly exciting.


The Shimm1 Party Single- Party.

Note to PRs and bands- Please don't send R*E*P*E*A*T (and certainly not Joey) a crappy hip-hop party single with some tracksuit wearing teenagers rapping pathetically with a big bass and electric drum kit about partying. I'll only end up setting fire to it, and then it will all be your fault when my house burns down, and then think how sorry you'll feel. No? Well anyway, next time send your stupid CD to a hip-hop fanzine to get the publicity you obviously need!


Can't Decide- The Boss Tuneage Retro Series.

This band formed in the 80's after their previous bands split, and Boss Tuneage are re-releasing their demos in one album. The bands obvious influences are the second wave of punk, circa 1978, I bet they have the likes of The Lurkers and the Stiff Little Fingers in their record collections. Fine enough inspirations, but their take on the style is a bit plain, stiff (records? - ha ha - Ed) and boring, however ideal they might be for hardened punk rockers. 5/10

Conscious Pilot- The Lonely Hotel demos.

If Kasabian turned their songs into garage music with articulations and electronics, you'd get Conscious Pilot.

It's the sound of a pilot so conscious of his image that he's so busy looking in the mirror and consequently doesn't notice that the plane he's flying is breaking up and heading at 100mph for a crash landing in a field towards Birmingham. While it's careering through the sky, all the electronics in the plane are crumbling and going haywire while the radio changes tuning and lands on a dance station instead of the control tower. Meanwhile in the back cabin of the plane sit an agitated Kasabian who are complaining to the airhostesses about the standard of service on the flight.
Sound interesting?

Stefano Panunzi- Timelines

This sort of music could be used for those commercials advertising a holiday somewhere exotic looking, but in reality very boring, as it is deadly dull background music that I'm sure no one would send their time listening to. Unless they were locked in the lounge bar from hell for two weeks with no remission.

Joey shows that indeed there is more intelligence in the fingertip of one badger than in the whole of Blue

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