Sugar, we're going down...
Anna C hears some sounds of the suburbs.

NIKKI- Jeans On

Let's face it; this was never going to be pretty. Somewhat savage reviewer seeks happy-go-lucky-all-singing member of the Arian race for the whipping of his life. Is someone taking the Michael at Repeat Towers? So, at risk of seriously insulting any pre-teen readers, (and subsequently having to change the identity of not only myself but my three cats), here are the facts. He's been to stage school and he's a 16- year old virgin with a certain resemblance to Chesney Hawkes (and, on his really good days, Satan). He shares the same musical playpen as Son of Dork, complete with numerous complimentary keyboard players and unlimited auto-tune, and he's graced the sofa of none other than GMTV.
Yes, welcome to the wonderful world of N1KKI, selflessly touring primary schools up and down the country promoting this, his second single (how could the first one have slipped by me?), in a mission to save millions of under- 10s as they mourn the loss of S Club Juniors, threatening suicide because Aaron Carter grew pubic hair. Yes, it all sounds a bit chilling to me too. Although it's not as bad as it may seem. Because, apart from the clever use of the number 1 in his name, N1KKI still has a gift for amazing lyrical content : "In the winter I thought you looked minging, it's a bummer I didn't meet you in the summer". Shit… Still, if you're up for a laugh, you too could be in his latest video; details of how are on his website. Especially if you're on Prozac. In which case, things can't get any worse.

This is released 20th February, 2006, but I'm guessing you already knew that if you're anyone who's anyone. Ahem.


CHERUBS- Paper Cut Moon

I'll just say this. I'm not a fan of Interpol. Nor have I any time for poor impersonators. Now, I have reviewed Cherubs before and I liked them, as I recall; the simple and energetic garage rock of their album "Uncovered by heartbeat", pleased me somewhat and I even went so far as to praise them for not being different- something which usually bothers me a tad- because it worked for them. All I can say in my defence is that this single obviously passed me by. Because this is a blatant and rather droll rip-off which has crawled out from somewhere between the searing guitars of the afore-mentioned band and the rhythm section of The Strokes, with the depressive wail of Ian Curtis-meets-Jim-Morrison thrown in, which, although worthy of a toe-tap, almost reaches the point of no return. What's more, I can hear a bit of Franz Ferdinand in there too. I'm not sure where it's coming from, but it's never good. To get to the point, this doesn't do much for me at all, being rather slow and dreary, but I have the sneaking suspicion that you will like it all the same. The B-side "The world outside" is much better, if you ask me.

Released 6th February


FALL OUT BOY- Sugar, we're goin' down

Yes, indeed, sugar, we are going down when listening to Fall Out Boy but, alas, not engaging in the slightest bit of pleasure but more circling rapidly into the pits of "emo" hell. The fact that these four grown men have apparently been embraced by angst-ridden teenage America surely speaks volumes as to why I, as a grumpy old(er) fart, am not going to be complimentary about this. Because this is the kind of faux- rock that gives kids the wrong impression of what good music is. It's not that I don't enjoy bands like Jimmy Eat World, Thrice, etc, etc. who are probably the main culprits for kicking off this damn awful phenomenon. It's just that there are now so many bands doing it, coming over from Chicago or wherever, a whirlwind of guitar-by-numbers, predictable melodies and lyrics that even if your parent was the local vicar, he/she would approve if you followed suit with an identical band of your own.

In a word, this review was brought to you by the letter D. For Dull. Having said that, of course this will do well and you will hear from this band again and they will go to Number One in the charts of CDUK or the one counted down by those two twats from Pop Idol and Fern Britten. Or Cotton. Because they look like McFly. Rock on. Personally, I'd rather spend a night in with Pete Burns and George Galloway doing cat impressions than hear anything like this ever, ever again.

This single is released on 7th February. Which means you can go and buy it right now. Oh, you lucky people.

Anna C.

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