Beat On The Brat


Joey Eyebank Ramone, R*E*P*E*A*T's newest and youngest reviewer, gets his baseball bat into some more sounds…

We Are Scientists - Nobody Move, Nobody Gets Hurt

What kind of a band name is that? I might as well form a band called 'We Are Property Developers' or 'I Clean Carpets For Money'.

The band have the sex appeal of a car crash: goofy teeth, cardigans and trousers right up to their nipples; now I'm not fussy about what bands look like (it's the music that matters) but they've got to have some sort of catchy style.

Sadly, We Are Scientists' music isn't much good either and the lyrics are decidedly dodgy; can you imagine anyone saying "My body is your body, I won't tell anybody if you wanna use my body"? You'd be stared at as if you were mad!

Despite my moans about their band points, this song is quite catchy - but is that necessarily a good thing? Flu is catchy…


Raiders of Rock'n'Roll : Demo (

Looks like this lot want to take over rock'n'roll, but they've no chance!

The music is quite good, with slashing guitar solos, a funky bass and a top heavy drum kit, but they're mind-numbingly typical and boring. They sing about taking over rock, mathematics (what?! not my favourite subject, see my last reviews) and other depressing stuff.


Dan Church : Middle Class White Boy

This is like one of those annoying dance tracks that out-of-their-head crusties dance to at small festivals; like Val Doonican with Tourette's Syndrome, it's only good for wasted hippies at doggy on a string fests. It's very original but in a bad way; track 3 sounds like a Westlife track fronted by Lamar...


Black Cougar Shock Unit : Hello Black Cougar Shock Unit (Newest Industry)

How come all their albums have Japanese artwork, despite their being a fast, raving, shouting punk rock band? I like them. They're full of energy, political (though you can't always hear the lyrics), they have the stamina of a dog chasing its own tail and they sweat like wild boars being hunted.


Eyelash : demo

A mix of Garbage, Alanis Morissette and a crap guitarist. They say that they were born the year punk died, and indeed it's true that punkas might describe this music as anti-punk pop. The only song I like is track 3 because it's real and not trashy like the rest.


Mostly Autumn : Storms Over Still Water (Autumn Records)

This band are either gardeners, naturists or artists - the three steps to becoming a hippy. Their inspirations are Coldplay, Irish folk music and Snow Patrol; for me this is the perfect concoction for a boring band. The audience for this sort of thing must be those who still like the theme tune from the Titanic or who wish they were Irish. The recorder parts don't fit in with the distorted guitar; being original doesn't guarantee you being worthy!


Koruqi : Demo

This is the kind of music you would listen to in a spaceship, it has that kind of feel to it. The drums are what keep it alive, but the singing is a bit bland, being all at the same level, and the guitar playing isn't that good.


Autumn Divers : Demo

Another band of autumn lovers that sound a rather lot like Coldplay, a band that became famous for being cold and boring.

Most of these songs are about having your head up in the clouds being dozy and suffering from an excess of magic mushrooms. When they sing "When you turn it up they're gonna turn ya down", it makes sense because if you turn this music up, then I'm just gonna turn it down again.


Hey Negrita : We Are Catfish (Fat Fox Records)

The singer suffers from drug addiction, his closest friend died from falling from the sixth floor of an apartment block, this is the sort of music all happy and jolly on the surface but underneath there's depression, drugs, affairs, suicide and abuse. I suppose they hide the misery with fake happiness. It just reminds me of the Teletubbies, such a happy show but Tinky Winky is a gay sex icon in America, La La is a heroin addict and drugged-out hippies created the show. Inspirations : the Postman Pat theme tune, the Singing Postman and Dolly Parton!


Imogen Heap : Speak For Yourself (Magaphonic Records)

The first song is called 'headlock' and it honestly sounds like the singer is performing while in one. The background music is quite funky, but it soon becomes annoying, and I can't stand it when singers perform to backing tracks, the music needs to be real, played by live musicians and not a machine. And what kind of lyrics are 'Say goodnight and go woah, woah, woah, skipping beats, blushing cheeks, I am struggling, day dreaming"? And what about this line? "It's complicated, this time I think it could be triangulated"?!* What does that mean?! It could mean that there's 3 points about this music - bad lyrics, annoying 80's Cher voice and dull backing tracks. This is very original, but in a bad way!


* ("Have you ever wondered how you get triangles from a cow? You need butter, milk and cheese, and an equilateral chainsaw" ... Half Man Half Biscuit - Ed)

After 4 demo (

First up, change the band name, it's just lazy naming your band after the numbers of people in it!

Having said that, this band is brilliant! They're younger than a lot of the stuff I've whined about, and they haven't got the backing of a record company, yet they're far better than many of those with more experience and more money behind them. Their inspirations are Nirvana, Blur and Oasis; fortunately the singer lacks the strangled dead-cat singing style of the Gallagher brothers.

Good luck


Can I have my baseball bat back now please?

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