Jimmy Henry


Jimmy Henry is possibly Bellingham's most interesting man. He is also possibly a flatulent old windbag. Jimmy is an ex-alcoholic, ex-homeless poet and owner of Bellingham's finest, most generous and least American second hand clothes boutique. On he talks, on and on at a faster and faster pace, and the listener can glean much that is interesting and hilarious if the listener can keep up or understand a bloody word he's on about. There seemed little point in a traditional interview so I simply pointed him in the direction of the mic amd let him have it. Here are the results.

There is no democracy movement in China, no more Tiananmen Squares. China isn't interested in democracy because they know there's no such thing. It's just the freedom to buy the shit they sell you.

Gas is going up which is good because even though everyone says they would drive an electric vehicle. They wouldn't. Unless it's cheaper than gas.

These people, these desert people wandering about and we come in and change their whole world because of oil; no wonder they revert to fundamentalism. I mean, knock knock, who's there? The Crusades. Ever heard of them? Then how come you're not president?

This forcing of our values onto other people. It didn't work with the Sioux Indians in North Dakota, it didn't work in Vietnam let alone this most hardcore place on Earth. With the Sioux you had an indigenous population, didn't have a choice. In Vietnam it was a political ideology but the strongest ideology is religious. 'Are you going to Mecca to pray? No, we're going to Wal Mart to shop', I don't think it's fucking gonna happen, man. If we left them alone, maybe...maybe but we're fucking blowing it.

You know what's so interesting is the Information Age. Within day one you've got people questioning it. They can't get away with it like they used to. But instead of bringing on revolution all we get is more sedated and cynical.
What have we got? We got plastic flag while these people are willing to blow themselves up, come on. And don't question Israel or you're anti Semitic, fucking give me a break. That's so tired.

History is what happened before and you can learn from that. Going into countries with our cultural imperialism doesn't work and that's not going to change just because George Bush was hung over in Yale and missed history class.

Bin Laden and Saddam, one's a dictator the other's a devout Muslim lunatic. Like the king and the pope, they hate each other but guess what? Not any more. We loved the Russians as long as we were fighting the Germans. Achtung, Herr Bush.

The revolutionaries want the people to revolt for more bread. Trouble with revolutionaries is they don't know how to bake. This was a quote from Jimmy's father.

There really are so few of us (Americans) who are aware (of anything outside America) and that's a result of the affluence, the media, the fact we've never been anywhere. They've never felt any pain. If you want to fuck with them you just have to keep them from buying shit. They'll support the war until it becomes difficult then they're gonna want to get out.

And this political system, this selfishness is going to be the worldwide one. We'll convert you before you convert us. The devout Muslims are the only ones who can resist this capitalism, this self indulgence. But we'll get their kids.
The Chinese, they all wanna be like us. They want Wal Mart, they don't want Mao, Christ, that doesn't work. Like Jesus, they said that to him as they nailed him to the cross. Great product, horrible marketing- Jesus Christ.

I grew up Catholic and I have memories of the red faced Irish priest of my New York youth who had a face like a potato soaked in whisky with a faith that could be described as I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who has a boss, the pope who knows God. And that was great before we could read our bibles and needed these child molesters to tell us. And that's what pissed me off, they didn't want to molest me.

And I wanted to preach and I said, father, can I preach on Sunday and he said 'go down the Mission, they need help. So I read the bible and I thought 'wow, I can't believe they didn't edit this out- this was a Socialist without shoes who hated rich people. Oh Jesus, protect me from your followers.

I mean I'm a skid row drunk from the mission who owns a business now. How did I manage it? I gave up going to AA meetings.
Bellingham is a four star town to be homeless in, if such a thing can exist. Like your favorite jail or your favorite schizophrenic, nymphomaniac woman.

So I got a spot reading my poems at Stuarts. I had to lie and tell the mission I was working, moving furniture until ten. So I had to go back and pay a quarter of what I made, five bucks, to the mission. So it cost me five bucks to read poems.

Red, white and blue makes a lot of green

My advice to the young women
It is my hope as I leave that I have perhaps inspired amused, even educated a few of you but my hope is that I can alleviate some of your almost racist beliefs, like your ridiculous fear of older homeless men who like to drink a lot and allow yourselves, especially you younger girls, to quit the judgment game and give them the special love the short term relationship can bring, the chance to touch the heart, the soul of someone sweetly and not based upon their dental work or personal hygiene, psychiatric history or whatever nosy, stupid parent conservative heartless parents you may have.
Oh, they'll try to discourage you if your new found willingness to move beyond the limited vision of unjust stereotypes, they'll try to hurt you. The threat your gracious enhancement will make to their lack of...
Expect something like this... 'Honey, you're a sixteen year old, cheerleader honors student, a runner up last year for miss zit-free Caucasian, and you expect me to believe you love a man who's forty four years old, a schizophrenic, a filthy parolee with a terminal diahorea condition? I can't allow you this.'
'Well, mother I don't care. I love my little stinky poo poo poo poo poo, Randal. And I'm leaving you mother, your fake love of material possessions and guess what, mother, so are all the other popular girls, even the cheerleaders. To sniff glue, mother, that's right, with somebody who'll UNDERSTAND the need for that special love, mother that Randal says a young, beautiful sweety poontang like me can bring. So remember, what kind of SICK society equates underage with underloved?

America is like this mall girl. Last year it was Afghanistan. This year it's Iraq. Last year it was Abercrombie, this year it's the Gap.

I tried to go to the Vatican. They wouldn't let me in 'cos I was wearing shorts. Jesus couldn't get into the Vatican because he didn't wear shoes. 'Cos you need shoes, Mr. Jesus to worship you, Mr. Jesus.'

Mr. Henry’s Thoughts for Today
When the going gets tough the tough go to Community College

A watched pot never screams 'My God, it's burning, it's burning!'

Cheer up kids, there's more greasy, filthy, oxygen sucking bacteria in the sea.

Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and celibate.

A fool and his money are soon elected president.

Don't count your body lice until they're hatched.

If you love something set it free. If it comes back get the hell outta there.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but watching daytime TV in a Vicadin haze will make me forget you ever hurt me.

Curiosity killed that Cat Stevens guy.

If at first you don't succeed try again later when it's dark and there are fewer people around.
Winning isn't everything, it's also beating the other team.

Though I walk through the valley of death I shall fear no evil for I told Nicole I wasn't inviting Michelle to the party just to sit and watch her talk to Neil all night.

Misery loves Three's Company.

Money can't buy everything but a political system.

All work and no play makes Jack a corporate asshole who prefers to be called 'John'.

You can lead them to water but you can't drown them.

You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your friend's nose.

Give a man a fish and it freaks him out a little bit. Teach him how to give other men fish and he's excited.

When life gives you lemons get tequila and salt.

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw hissy fits; 'it's so hot and so cold, everyone knows my business.' Duh

An apple a day leaves you famished.

Friends don't let friends drive SUVs.

It doesn't matter if you win or you lose just as long as you played naked, greased up with thick chicken lard.

You gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, know when to run to Arby's for that five-for-five special, it's amazing!

Is it better to have loved and lost than to have given them your real phone number?

Phil Rose Rsq

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