Goldie Lookin Chain, Cambridge Junction, December 7th 2006

Pioneering Welsh hip-hoppers now luckily free of 'major label constraints', or yesterday's news? Jordie E Ramone and Rosey R*E*P*E*A*T Ramone talked to Misty and Adam Hussein in an attempt to find out, but all they got was some cans of coke, some made up story about goldfish and Honda Civics, and a great laugh topped off with a brilliant live show. It seems that talk of The Chain's imminent demise have been very much exaggerated! Safe as Fuck!


(A) I'll try not to swear…
(R) I don't think it matters too much…
* (J) When R*E*P*E*A*T interviewed you last year (here), you said that you began doing GLC for a laugh. Is it still a laugh?
(A) It's hilarious! It's the funniest day of my life, ever day. Imagine that. If you enjoy it yourself, like maybe you have a packet of crisps, you might enjoy that. Imagine that tripled, that's what it feels like.
(M) Alton Towers times ten, 24 hours a day!
(A) You know the feeling on the roller coaster just before you get to the top and go "Wooaaahhh!", it's like that every single day of my life. That's special, and there's only two people who've got that, and that's me and Cliff Richard!

* (J) The 'Doing if for the Tax Man Tour", how does it compare with your other tours?
(A) Well on other tours we make money for ourselves, whereas on this one we're making money for the tax man who is what's technically known in the game as 'a little shit' who likes to take lots of money off people…
(M) … hard working professionals like ourselves, who fall foul of the taxman!
(A) God bless him though, someone has to take all our money off us, so fair play to him. Merry Christmas, that's what we say to him!
(M) I just hope he puts it to good uses…
(R) Like bombing Iraq?!
(M) Yeah, useful things like that…
(R) Don't want to waste it on schools and hospitals do we?
(M) No, what's the point?!

* (R) So tell us a bit more about this tour, the venues are smaller than last time, what's that about?
(A) It's been a shit and sellotape sort of tour so far, in the way it's been put together. But I tell you what, the lighting…
(M) The lighting has been second to none!
(A) This is Chris the lighting technician, and he makes the stage look like a Santa's grotto!
(M) Everything looks like Christmas in Vegas, without the money and the gambling, that's what Chris makes it look like!

*(J) What can you tell us about the TV Programme you recorded yesterday?
(A) Did we record a TV programme yesterday?
(M) I wasn't there!
(A) Umm, what can I tell you about it? [Clearly making it up] It was brilliant! It's taken over from 'Neighbours' on BBC1, and it's called … what's it called Mist?
(M) 'Don't Mess With Me, My Mother Sent Me'.
(A) Yeah, 'Don't Fuck, My Mother Sent Me', it's taking over from Neighbours. What TV Programme was that we recorded yesterday Mist?
(M) It was one involving big explosions, cars being smashed up…
(A) I'll tell you what it was! Xain, who's the sane one in the band and does all the tweaking of the knobs (but not in that way!), he had to go in the brand new Honda Civic with a goldfish bowl next to him, and technically, when you drive forwards in a Honda Civic (it might have been another car, I don't know, it had 4 wheels!) there should be no vibrations whatsoever, so you can have a goldfish bowl perched in it. It didn't work. It fell on the floor. There was blood and goldfish guts everywhere. There were no brakes.
(R) Where did you hear about this programme Jordie?
(J) My Mum told me about it.
(A) I don't know about it either, so that was just a stab in the dark!

* (J) I'd never have guessed. Sounds like a good idea for a programme. Have you got any other TV things coming up?
(A) Yes we have, I'll tell you what we've got, and this is breaking news!
(M) The breaking news is that we've got a wonderful website up at the moment with a little Christmas treat on it for all GLC fans, and it takes the form of 8 men from Newport in the heart of summer dancing around in leisure wear using lots of curse words. And it's brilliant! It's about 100 meg so it may take a little time to download, but once it has, all your Christmases will come at once!
(A) It's quicker to download Pinnochio, but what would you rather watch on Christmas day?!
(M) Exactly!
(A) Oh my God the fire alarm's going off, never mind.

* (R) What can you tell us about your record label situation, what you're doing since being dropped?
(A) Yeah we got a new label which we set up ourselves, Gold Dust Records, and that's waiting in the wings for when this tour is over so we can release the next album.
(R) When we talked to Eggsie 18 months ago you were Flavour of the Month with NME, they even danced with you on stage at Leeds and Reading; do you find it annoying that they're now kicking you, and someone else is 'in' with them?
(M) They've got some fat bird who's number one in their cool list now, she sings or something, I've only seen her once, who is she?
(A) She's a fat bird who sings!
(M) The NME Cool List, number one, a fat bird who sings!
(A) I thought she was Jade Goodie, but it's not!
(R) You don't get annoyed with how fickle the media are?
(A) No, I say leave them to it, everyone's got a choice to make, leave them to it!

(M) I'll have to explain boys that I'm now busy preparing our herbal elixir for tonight. It's not what you think, it's ginger, lemon and honey.
(A) And as it's all about the yin and the yang, I'm sitting here smoking a fag as well!
(R) So is it quite hard being on tour for so long without getting ill?
(A) God, yeah! And we've actually been on tour for about 12 hours now! We played Swansea last night so we went back home and I got to sleep in my own bed, argue with the missus, it was brilliant! And then we got back on the bus today.

*(J) At my school, people have started using the word 'bear' to mean 'cool', but I don't really like that so can you suggest another please?
(M) Yeah, one of Adam's favourites is 'razzamatazz' or 'razz' for short, so I might say to you 'that's a razz top you're wearing', or even 'that's a razzamatazz top' if I was being very complimentary!
(A) Or 'major'. Or put 'serious' on the end of everything! "Shut up Mum or I'll kick you in the head, serious!" But never say you're serious to other women though!
(M) There, you've got 3 words for the price of one!

*(J) My Dad really likes your songs, he's always singing "Your mother's got a penis", and he's well jealous cos he wanted to come tonight but he's got man flu, well that's what my Mum calls it …
(M) That's the worst kind, that is! But woman flu, that's when they just want to get out of something!
(A) Woman Flu causes man flu!
(J) Can you give me a message for my Dad?
(A) Yeah, sweat it out of you by coming down tonight and watching eight men on stage!
(M) Failing that, drink some honey, lemon and ginger elixir and you'll be back on your feet before you know it! Either that, or get 8 cans of Strongbow for a fiver!

*(J) Did Eggsie get his chicken?
(A & M) ?!
(J) I heard it on Six Music… he said he was looking for some chicken.
(A & M) Oh yeah yeah, he did get his chicken!
(A) I've got a rubber chicken at home on my sofa, only I don't know where it came from. Everyone should have a rubber chicken, have you got one?
(J) Um, no…
(A) Everyone should have a chicken…
(M) Made of rubber.
(A) It was good enough for Tommy Cooper…
(M) He's dead now, but never mind…
(A) He died doing what he loved…
(M) He died onstage… it was a shocker!

*(J) When Maggot went on Big Brother, did George Galloway convince him to vote for Respect?
(M) Umm, I don't think that they've remained the amicable friends that they appeared on screen, after the social experiment ended…
(A) The Maggot doesn't technically exist so he can't vote.
(M) He's the shadowy figure of chaos lurking around the outsides of society, so I don't think he's actually down on the electoral role!
(A) We managed to smuggle him into Ireland a couple of times, but we couldn't get him on the plane.
*(R) So has there become a cult of the personality around him just like whathisname in the Ordinary Boys (such a personality I can't remember his name!)?
(A) Oh yes! He was even down to do a University Radio interview earlier today but he didn't turn up, so we just made a cardboard cut out and let them interview that instead!
(M) Apparently he was caught in flooding!
(A) The water went everywhere!
(M) Sometimes we smuggle him around in a cello case! And sometimes you hear this gentle tapping :"Let me out boys!!"

*(R) I know that you're football fans, and that you even sponsored Newport County's shirts at one point so we won't mention what happened when they played The Swans the other week, but what was it like doing 'Your Missus is a Nutter' at The Millennium Stadium before the Wales England match?
(M) That was a great day!
(A) Much love to the Beckhams!
*(R) Did David come and say thank you for dedicating the song to him?
(A) He was in stitches, he said "that's great that was boys! Seeing you out there, knocked her bandy it did!", and then the Welsh FA apologised for something, I've no idea what! Perhaps if they concentrated a bit more on football, they might get somewhere…

* (J) What's your most embarrassing moment on stage?
(A) It's probably gonna happen tonight!
(M) Out of all of us, Adam is the one most likely to dress up in weird and wonderful costumes; he's been a pervy headmaster, a ghostbuster after 24 hours drinking and tonight he's gonna be a snowman! He transforms magically over the course of the night and weird and wonderful things happen to him.

*(R) Didn't you do a song with The Automatic at Leeds?
(A) Kind of, we were drunken on stage with them at Reading. The Automatic are good lads, they supported us on the last tour, fair play to them.

*(R) Jordan interviewed them the other week. He's also just recorded his first two tracks - have you any advice for young bands?
(M) How do you feel now Jordan? Do you feel you've accomplished something?
(J) Yes.
(M) Make sure you play it to everyone, regardless of the response that you get. Make sure that everyone hears it, and say "I wrote and recorded that!". The girls will love that, you'll be a guitar hero, and the rest of your mates will be green with envy and say it's brilliant! Some may say it's rubbish and that they could do better but you have to turn round and say "You go and do it then!"
(R) Exactly! The ones that criticse are the ones who've not done it themselves, who've no idea how much time and effort and skill has gone into those few minutes of music.
(A) Get a chorus, then everything else will fall into place!
(M) What's your song about?
(J) About a break-up…
(A) We've all been through it…
(M) Very painful feelings for one so young…
(A) And what's the other song?
(M) The fun you had afterwards?
(J) It's a cover, Blink 182's 'Dammit'
(M) Wicked! Is it just you in the band or are there others?
(J) There's me and my mate Tat who plays bass…
(A) What's your band called?
(J - suddenly realising that he is now being interviewed rather than vice versa!) Dunno, can you give me some suggestions please?
(A) What's Eggsy's favourite band called? Dragonforce, that's a great name!
(M) Would you ever consider playing metal, cos if you're into Battle Metal with hobgoblins and stuff like that, well I reckon that's the future of rock. There's a very big Lord of the Rings vibe at the moment where people are into axes glinting in the midnight sun (!) and blood raining down over the land, devastation and wizards and hobgoblins, and if you get involved in that, well it's definitely the way forward!
(A) I formed a band the other day and decided we'd do metal, and we wrote a song called 'Electric Chair', it was all to do with rivers of blood and wizards and stuff, but I can't find it now! We're called The Devil Mother Fuckers and it's started really well, 'Electric Chair' is our second tune, the first is called 'I Am the Devil'…
(M) Although Dragonforce are recent, there's always been an element of underground interest in Fantasy Metal. Chris [lighting engineer], give us some more examples of Fantasy Metal bands!
(C) Mist, you're paid to do this shit, I'm not!
(M) I was only asking you to put in your tuppence worth!
(A) Spend time thinking about your name, it's worth getting it right, don't rush into it, and don't chose something lame like 'Pro-biotic yoghurt'!
(R) We knew a band with a song called Electric Chair'. Jordan uses a drum machine, do you?
(M) No, we use sequencers, well we put the backing track on mini disc. We'd like to get a live DJ but it does get very violent on stage so he might get smashed around a bit!
(R) I saw Public Enemy here the other week, their DJ was fantastic, he get an ovation for a scratching solo, I've never seen anything like it! Do you have a choreographer?
(A)No, it's more about spatial awareness and squad rotation!
(M) It's all about not getting smacked in the face really!
(A) We think about it like a football formation, 3-4-um -1 or something. Whoever's rapping has to come forward, it's all quite technical for a bunch of wreck heads!
(R) We're trying to promote dance to boys at our school, so you'll have to visit as positive role models!!
(A) If you want to get manly dancing going, there's nothing better than getting a stomp on to the sounds of Slade, especially at Christmas time!

*(J) This is the R*E*P*E*A*T must ask question which we ask everyone, even you! What's best, chips or cream buns?
(A) I'm a savoury man, so I say chips! Chips, cheese and curry sauce…
(M) Yes, chips and curry sauce, especially from the Slo Bo in Newport, whose curry sauce can not be equalled - it's almost an elixir of life!
*(R) There we are, back on the Fantasy Metal again. Have you ever seen Drunk Granny (, they're our favourite new band from South Wales?
(A) I should know them but I'm afraid I don't.
*(R) Not to worry, thanks very much for your time and Cokes, have a good gig!
(A & M) anytime!

Thanks indeed to Misty and Adam for their time, to retiring lighting engineer Chris, the tour manager whose name is lost in the heroic mists of Celtic time but who seems to go under the pseudonym of The Killer Tomato and the rest of the band for a truly memorable show - rarely has the sight of 8 men from Newport in leisure wear been so uplifting, energising, health inducing and just damn hilarious. And thanks to the ever wonderful Ian Cheek for making it all possible. You knows it…

Pix by Jordan and Rosey, image manipulation by Phil Rose esq

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