Screaming the love behind the scars

What they say: 'A supernova of passion exploding into your soul. An energy of two worlds. Music for the new millennium. Unlike anything you've ever heard, like something you've always felt (that could be Jimmy Saville's inscription, although, despite everyone saying that they knew he was dodgy, I cannot come to terms with the fact that it was more than just a Jim'll Fix It badge that allegedly popped out of his chair. Hmmm).Explosion of emotion in an ocean of indifference. Love and colour. Energy to help you go to the place that we all want to be.'

What I say: 'And where is that place exactly? Because any place you want to be, I generally don't think I will be happy in. Because you wear leather jackets with nothing underneath but not like Artem from Strictly; you have squeaky vocals and your bio makes me want to gag a little.'

What my plus one says: Actually, I can't repeat what he said. It's too rude.

Anyway, I want something new, something to be excited about in music and this isn't it. I am still sulking because everyone was raving about Alt-J's album so I got it for Crimble instead of The Bronx and promptly regretted it. Anyway, Jupiter in Velvet (or JIV as they may now be known) use influences from some great bands (or at least bands I used to quite like but really probably shouldn't let on about now), sounding a lot like Manson and Gay Dad. Whilst their heroes are more acceptable in polite society, (being The Beatles, David Bowie and Duran Duran, which is clear from the band's use of melody), whereas those artists have been worshipped for decades, JIV just end up being a little dated.

There is no denying that, in the main, they write short, punchy songs in a classic vein, best demonstrated in opening track, er, 'Jupiter in Velvet'. However, 'Screaming the love behind the scars' remains little more than a parody of mid-90's indie rock but with a bit more 80's posturing and some slightly less imaginative lyrical content. 'For just 1 day' is a rip-off of most 80's New Wave; 'Monkey see, monkey do' was one we were singing through the night but mainly because we thought it was so funny and 'Stand on your own' features the line 'Life is tough and you've had enough/And you want to turn and run away'. I think we'll leave it there. Though there is nothing particularly offensive about JIV, there is also nothing that makes me want to hear them ever again. And I almost didn't write this review because I know that JIV are likely to read it and hurl abuse at the person they asked for their opinion. You may also disagree with me. Give them a listen and if you have a cosmic orgasm or whatever, let me know.

Anna C