Myspace it's a place to groom…
Says Mr Hurley

Is this another *buzzword* Myspace rant? Rant would imply disapproval and you will get no such opinion from this author. As a musician it is such a great way of getting your band noticed (Fuck the artic monkeys.. fuck them in their dirty northern arses... I like success stories as much as the next person but the hype around that band stops me from ever wanting to listen to them (they may be the next Beatles for all I know and if that's the case please for the love of Dog and all that's holy lets just skip to the assassination… do I sound bitter?)) But much more importantly it's also a great place to meet young girls who may be under the right circumstances willing to have sex with you (without the aid of rohypnol). What can be wrong with that? There was a time where face to face social interaction was the be all and end all to meeting people. Putting yourself out there on a limb and risking rejection all in the cause of furthering the human race was an obstacle that has faced man from the beginning of time when cave men looked at cave women and wished that coffee had been invented so they could use the hot beverage as a byword for sexual intercourse... and as evolution brings us such comforts as slipper socks and Veet™ For Men it also brings us the internet and now Myspace. The benefit is that it now saves us having to go out and actually talk to people. Now you can read a profile, look at a few pictures and leave such insightful comments such as "U ARE LIKE WAY HOTT" which translate in Myspace world to "I am a shy soul who fears being hurt again but in you I see a potential to form something so meaningful, So deep that the it will outshine the stars and bring the moon down around our feet as the oceans waves spray water like confetti at a wedding in celebration of the union of our bodies." Well that's what I assume they meant anyway... I may be reading between the lines ever so slightly... But like most of the universe's big mysteries, Myspace throws up as many questions as it answers about life and its grand design. Questions such as

· Eye makeup... How much is too much?
· So why does everyone look better from 45 degrees?
· Is it so wrong to lie about your age?
· Why do so many American account holders come off so damn creepy?
· When is the right time in a myspace relationship to request topless pictures?
· If you have to say that you are a fun person does that by default make you un-fun?

These matters will no doubt be examined at length by theology students who are now unemployed thanks to Dan Brown's deep insight and complete answers to religion. Books will no doubt be written on the subject and debates will rage. The Middle East will hold the site up as proof of the West's decline into immorality and thus declare holy war on MS owner Rupert Murdoch (not really a bad thing) and George W Bush will invade (insert oil producing country here) to protect the rights of young girls to pout their lips.

Anyway I digress...

The main problem about meeting people on Myspace? Unless you are really tall or they are really short you will never see them at "THE" angle... Unless they are on their knees. In which case it leaves you with the last and most important question..

"Let me see those pretty eyes?"

About the author: Mr. Hurley does lie about his age all the time. Mr Hurley has never used and does not condone the use of rohypnol. Mr. Hurley will be happy to receive friend requests/comments/topless pictures but fears that after such an article few will be forthcoming. Mr Hurley is a fun person. www.myspace.com/wheresjonny

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