IF I WERE A CELEBRITY

If I were a celebrity
you'd see me on Late night TV
where I'd tell funny
Stories, talk about my recovery come across like a really great guy and refer to
Robert DeNiro as Bobby
when another guest comes on I would not sit in the eaze-dropping chair sorry
Dave, sorry Jay
I'm much too important to stay
If I were a celebrity I'd have a big black BMW and one of my many fun new
starlit friends would sit closer to me and think i'm neato as I yell into the phone
93FUCK YOU MORTY, then get Willis If you can't me the points I can deal
with
If I were a celebrity
I'd get my ingrown toenails fixed
if I were a celebrity I'd be at openings never closings
eat at all those weird named restaurants where I would very gently
and superficially hug the genius chef who's name would be Zada
If I were a celebrity I'd use my wealth and my fame to fulfill my life long
ambition which is
to have a life long ambition
If I were a celebrity
I would not use dirty bed sheets
to blow my nose
I'd have clean ones
If I were a celebrity I'd work very hard to bring all peoples of all races,
genders, religions, ethnic creeds, colors together for something very important...
I'll have to think of what later
If I were a celebrity I'd start a foundation for artistic children but to be honest I
'm already overwhelmed
It's supposed to be autistic children
If I were a celebrity
you'd see me in the tabloids and on TV know all about me
in our bullshit personality non issue centered media
And I would know nothing about you which is scary
very similar to you reading my poetry

Jimmy Henry