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GEOFFREY Oi!COTT - Carry On Oi!Cott
For the uninitiated you may be unaware that the cricket T20 World
Cup recently started in Australia. By sheer coincidence
those cricket loving punksters Geoffrey Oi!Cott also chose this time
to release their new long player ‘Carry On Oi!Cott’. So,
in the true spirit of co-operation, I bring you a review of their
latest offering along with updates on the events Down Under where
Australia play host to the Old Enemy England…
DARTITIS
Not many punk songs relate the problems of professional dart players
who are unable to 'Let go of their Shafts' (Ooh, Er Missus!) and this
track is the first of many that pays homage to the Carry On films
and are laden with double entendres. A hundred mile an hour thrash
to kick off proceedings.
A solid start from Oi!Cott for England as he faces all deliveries
in the opening two overs taking Starc and Hazelwood for 8 sixes.
DOPE PUNKS IN WHITE
Cricket makes its first appearance with a song that gives a nod toward
the Tubes classic. Shout-a-long chorus remind everyone that the players
are "Dope Punks in White" and, having played the game for
many years, I can vouch that this is a 100% accurate description of
most batsmen and bowlers.
After Butler gets off the mark with a single, Oi!Cott sets about
Zappa with 3 fours and a six and passing his 50 after only 13 balls. Fee
Waybill claps enthusiastically in the crowd.
CHAOS OK
Any track that starts with a quote from the Weetabix Skins advert
of many years ago is going to be a belter and this doesn't disappoint.
A rather melodic take on Blighty in the 70's with "Yobbos on
the Rampage", the Sex Pistols Bill Grundy interview and sitcom
Porridge all getting a mention.
The onslaught continues as Oi!Cott dispatches Stoinis repeatedly
into the car park and the Barmy Army celebrate by smashing up the
terraces in an outbreak of 70's style hooliganism.
MILF Oi!
How many punk tracks mention mille-feuille? Not many I suggest, so
before you get too hot under the collar about the tracks title its
a rather clever take on juxtaposing culinary and carnal delights.
Butler goes for 3 with England on 130. Malan bores the
watching WAGS by straight batting out the next over, but Oi!Cott soon
has the girl’s juices flowing again by taking Cummins for 66
off his next two overs.
WOW, WOW AND THRICE WOW
A blitzkrieg 57 seconds of punk mayhem directed at the cricket non-believers
who will never understand the pure ecstasy of seeing Ben Stokes 3rd
Test Ashes innings of 2019.
A large section of the Australian fans decide to leave as Oi!Cott
competes his double century in the 9th over with England on a score
of 204.
GIMME SOME HEAD
Another misleading title as a slower number implores Southern England
drinkers to serve their ale with a decent head on top. I was touched
that the Principality also get a mention with the virtues of "Brains
in Wales".
The Barmy Army have long since given up drinking piss weak Aussie
beer and are now swigging down copious amounts of battery acid and
formaldehyde. Oi!Cott ramps Hazelwood continuously into
Sydney Harbour to pass 250.
FANNY BATTER ON A STICKY WICKET
Despite its title this is actually a glorification of women's cricket,
containing an anti- misogyny statement in the lyrics. Relating the
deeds of Fanny Batter, a female cricketer of some repute, they are
at pains to point out that she was "as good as all the blokes".
My favourite track on the album
England are considering putting in Heather Knight next to give
the Aussies a chance as Malan eventually gets off the mark and Oi!Cott
passes 300.
BEAMERS
Bad driving is not usually addressed on most punk albums, so its about
time the fact that lack of indication makes you less of a man (although
they phrase it another way - starting with C)
Controversy erupts as Cummins resorts to bowling head high deliveries
and the cameras pick up Steve Smith calling for sandpaper from the
dressing room.
YORKSHIRE BLONDE
Further beer related tomfoolery on the discovery of Yorkshire Blonde
beer at the local pub.
More action in the crowd as the Barmy Army are now mixing cologne,
nail polish remover and Yorkshire Bitter. Oi!Cott smashes
a long hop through David Warner at point causing massive internal
injuries.
THE FRIMLEY GREEN PRESERVATION SOCIETY
With perhaps a nod to an old Kinks LP, the lads extol the virtues
of Frimley Green the home town of the Lakeside Country Club where
the less glamorous darts players of the BDO held their annual championships.
More shouty vocals, frenetic guitars and thumping drums give an almost
Skids like feel to the track and even Ted Hankey gets a mention.
A reasonably quiet period as Oi!Cott takes only 24 off Maxwell
and Starc’s next overs. Ray Davies and Bobby George
stand to show their appreciation.
CARRY ON SWINGING
The cricket/Carry On cross-over continues as the song opens with the
old chestnut of "The bowlers Holding, the batsman's Willey"
as they eulogize the delights of swinging your balls (a cricket term!)
As the England innings comes to a finale Oi!Cott reverse sweeps
the feeble swing bowling of Pat Cummins into the Sydney Opera House.
BUS FARE HOME
The album comes to a conclusion with a cautionary tale of drinking
all day at the cricket leaving no money to get home. However, it also
gives more than a nod to Bullseye and the late, great Jim Bowen. A
100mph romp reminds us of the days when people from a tower block
in Birmingham could win a speedboat. Super, Smashing, Great!
The final over is taken for 43, including a run 7 and 4 sixes off
consecutive no balls from Zappa, who immediately retires from international
cricket. England score 475 off their 20 overs with Oi!Cott
recording a career best of 471, 3 for Buttler and a single for Milan.
Australia later batted and were all out for 13 with Oi!Cott recording
bowling figures of 4 overs 9 for 9, so a comfortable win for the England
(and Wales) cricket team by 462 runs.
So there you have it another "Test" passed with flying colours
by the Oi!Cotts. This will "Appeal" to all cricket (and
punk) lovers and is in no way "Average" but a "Keeper".
For f*cks sake that's enough cricket terminology, just go out an buy
it and hear the sound of real Yorkshire Puddings!
Review by Bones
Geoffrey Oi!Cott are:
Paddy Dupp - Bass and Wicketkeeper
Big Bird - Guitars and Fast Bowler
Jocky Wisden - Drums and Opening Bat
Freddie Skintoff - Vocals, 12th man and drinks
www.facebook.com/GeoffreyOiCott
geoffreyoicott.bigcartel.com
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