20.08.2008 17.49 - WICKET - Hussey c Cook b Swann 121 - ENGLAND REGAIN THE ASHES!!!!

Now I know to many of you the above will be undecipherable, but to aficionados of the game that is the epitome of good sportsmanship and fair conduct, these words take on a mystical quality. For this was the moment that our “Glorious Boys” sent those Aussie upstarts packing, with their tail firmly between their legs, and took back what was rightfully ours….the cricket Ashes!!!

Now this may not seem to have too much relevance to music in general, and punk in particular, but fear not because I give you (in their own words) The filthiest Northern monkeys ever to cross the Watford gap”… GEOFFREY OICOTT

For those of you still bemused, I should explain that the band take their name from Geoffrey Boycott the former England and Yorkshire cricketer and it goes without saying that the band also takes pride in hailing from the same county. However all joking aside they have produced here a gem of an album that mixes the delights of cricket with a hardcore oi/street punk sound. So don’t be put off by the subject matter, this is as good a punk CD that has been released all year. So in the truest spirit of Test Match Special I bring you the end of album report:

1. Dawn of the Dickie Birds................……c Jordan………b Katona...................................111
The opening track sets the benchmark for the album. The more sporting minded of you will notice that this is the first of many tracks that contain certain “double entendres”, as not only is this a tale of a certain lady of loose morals, but Dickie Bird was also the name of a cantankerous old git of a cricket umpire. But this information is all incidental to enjoying a good rebel rousing punk song, in which the afore mentioned lady “shows you her pavilion”. Oo-er missus! A cracking opener of a song.

2. LBW....................................................................lbw……………b Mills (Heather)........................11
Things continue in the same vain with a crashing guitar driven intro that is very reminiscent of the Cocksparrer in their pomp. This is the cautionary tale of the fair sex wanting to be taken out but being advised, firmly but fairly, that tonight’s been designated a “Boys Night Out”. I like the style of lead singer Freddie Skintoff in that he has a vocal range somewhere between shouting and bellowing. But hey, we’re not talking X-Factor here, this is top quality punk rock, so deal with it!

3. Darts Player's Wives………………..........run out (Bristow)...............................................180 
Just to show that they’re not a one trick pony, their next sporting composition revolves around “Darts Players Wives”. The tune fair rattles along under the pneumatic drumming of sticks man Mike Spatting. Not only that, but they name check all your favourite darting heroes, although I’m not sure their comment that Mrs Hanky “does enjoy three in a bed at the Lakeside” won’t see them end up in court.

4. Bouncers............................................................c Titmus (Abbey)…b Titmus (Fred)……………..….38 (dd)
Back to the oblique cricket references for track four with “Bouncers”. Whilst we all know of the gorillas in dinner suits that guard the doors of most nightclubs, it should also be noted that a “bouncer” is a cricket delivery that is aimed at intimidating/hurting the batsmen. So you can see what they mean when say that “bouncers want to do your harm, bouncers want to break your arm”. But looking at pictures of the Oicotts I wish any security good luck because we’re talking prime Yorkshire puddings here.

5. Scunnie Hunney…………………………c Plowright (Joan)..b Botham …………………..23
A romantic song telling the salutary story of our hero losing his virginity to a young lady from Scunthorpe only to find that ultimately she insults him in the most hurtful way possible by leaving him for a man from Lancashire. With lyrics like “you broke my bat in, you took my bails off” I am sure a cover version by Westlife will not be far off.

6. Jailbait……………………………………...c Glitter…………b Polanski..…………………..16 (under)
This is the only song that falls into the “corridor of uncertainty” for me. Manic guitars and drum make it sound a little like Discharge with Yorkshire accents. Still I’m sure it sounds good live.

7. Welcome to Yorkshire…………………c Parkinson……..b Trueman…………………..17
Now I know the War of the Roses finished over 500 years ago, but with lyrics like “Manchester’s weathers crap, Scousers will steal your hub caps” I think they are single-handedly trying to restart the conflict. I think it’s safe to say that the Oicotts are proud to come from the white rose side of the divide and proudly boast “Welcome to Yorkshire where we drink the most!” Well, I think the boys from the Mersey, or the Thames or the Tyne (or Taff) may have something to say about that, but I like their nod to the Rakes with the final chorus of “Work, Drink, Sleep, Repeat”.

8. Dot Ball………………………………………stumped………….Cotton (Dot)……....................0
Not an ode to the Eastenders wind bag, but something I am only too acquainted with having watched Glamorgan for several years…a batsmen that gets out without scoring. There’s a nice guitar solo mid song by Devon Malcolm McClaren that is book-ended by a chorus just made to be sung at the Oval/Lords/Trent Bridge etc the next time England suffer their inevitable middle order collapse…“Dot Ball out for a duck, Dot Ball you useless f*ck!”. I’m sure Brian Johnson would have approved.

9. Geoff Big Bat………………………………retired hurt ……………………………………….0
Most people are unaware that British punk effectively started with just 7 words - “Is she really going out with him?”- that introduced New Rose by the Damned. Well, the Oicotts seem to have their own take on memorable introductions at this next number starts tastefully “Eee this next one’s a reet Yorkshire Ripper”. Thankfully it the song actually turns out to be a eulogy to lethargy, and the fact that given half a chance most blokes will sit around doing nothing (ask my wife). A shoutable chorus roared over Steve Jones type guitar licks makes this another killer Oi track.

10. Get Padded Up Mate………………………………………b Lecter (Hannibal)…………41
For some reason this reminds me of Infa Riot. However in truth I have little idea what this song is about, but it sticks to their tried and tested formula of short but sweet powerful punk rock.

11. O! Oi! Oi!....................................................c Geggus (J)……….b Geggus (M)………………..69 (Sham)

My heart leapt when I first heard this. As soon as W.C. Disgraces bass lick came hurtling out of the speakers I knew they had covered one of the classic Oi songs of all time. Indeed it is this number by the Cockney Rejects that gave the whole genre its name. What can I say? The Oicotts have metaphorically left their crease and hit a six back over the bowlers head. A truly great song that they have more than done justice to, although I don’t seem to remember Stinky Turner ending the original by saying “Yorkshire Pudding”.

12. Geoffrey OiCotts Pyjami Army……………………………Not Out…………………..100
Right we’re into the tail end here. Their final slice of mayhem uses a riff not seen since Bodies by the Pistols to relate their love of the bands namesake Geoffrey Boycott. It was often said that a century was not the number of runs this redoubtable Yorkshire batsman would score in a day, but the average length of time of his innings. Well this little number moves at a slightly faster pace and gives them the opportunity to bring the innings to a conclusion with a rousing sing-along chorus of “Geoffrey Oicott Pygami Army” before bad light brings a premature ending to the days play.

Just to show they have true punk ethics the band have also released a single that is not on the album called . “I was Monty’s Double”. This is not about the Desert Rats of El Alanein, but a fast paced ditty in praise of the rather slower left arm England Spinner, Monty Panesar. For those of you unaware of this giant of the modern game he is a real fan favourite partly due to his history of being less than adept at fielding. Complete with a chorus of “Monty, Monty, give us a wave” this is the perfect companion to the Oicotts debut album.

Ok so I think its plain that the band don’t take themselves too seriously, however this does not detract from the fact that they are a bloody good punk band who have an obvious love for all things cricket and Yorkshire. Take my recommendation that you could do a lot worse than check out their releases and live gigs. All the information you’ve ever wanted is included on their myspace page (http://www.myspace.com/geoffreyoicott) including details of getting the album/single and their upcoming live date.

Bones